i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
