If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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