I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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