OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
