so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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