put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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