How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
