That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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