Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
