Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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