laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
