Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
