Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
