Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Panties = found
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