My cat gives me a boner
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
