I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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