I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
