toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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