I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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