When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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