Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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