Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
