my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
