it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
