Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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