If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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