i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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