you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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