I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
