Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
