You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
