Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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