I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
