At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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