you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
