Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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