$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
