I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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