Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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