she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
