It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
