I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
