Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
