It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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