i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
