I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
