Life is so much better after having sex.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
