I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
