i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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