I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
