I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
