im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
